Emotional intelligence could possibly be the most important form of intelligence there is. Our emotions have an enormous impact on how we show up in the physical world. Our thoughts words behaviors feelings and actions are representing our emotional health and whether we are functional and or dysfunctional. For the purpose of this article, functional is the awareness of, respect of and communication with every individual’s unique offering to the whole, beginning with self, outside of judgement. Dysfunctional is judgement of self and others, breeding verbally and emotionally abusive forms of interactions and communication. Both function and dysfunction are present in everyone to some degree, depending on where they are in their awakening healing process.
Ironically, many who appear to be healthy are in fact living/functioning in a very dysfunctional way. This dysfunctional existence is created from a need to escape the experiences encountered through life circumstances. Thus, creating a duality for ourselves to loop de loop in until we realize we’re actually repeating the dysfunction we were attempting to escape. Understanding this dynamic initiates the awakening process. Quite literally, becoming aware of those things you were unaware of introduces you to the unconscious world. As you become conscious of its existence through your awareness, unconscious parts are invited to join you in your conscious world. Many of these parts are in the unconscious world because of their dysfunction.
Encountering life circumstances and situations, we experience feelings that prompt us to express through forms of communication to those involved. As children if the feelings we expressed were unattended to, we become conditioned to stop expressing. We learn it’s safer to withhold than to experience the pain of what we feel when reaching out for assistance and help. Not receiving support and help creates mistrust. It’s compounded when expressing what we’re feeling to those who “love” us! This conditioning tells us, those who “love” us are not supportive and helpful when we cry out for assistance. Dysfunction is born and we learn to function within that dysfunction as though it is normal. Our truth becomes, “what we’re feeling due to our experiences is not important.”
Moreover, the feeling of not being supported and valued causes a deeper pain than what was experienced in the first place, thus we learn to endure pain and discomfort because it is less painful than not being supported and cared for emotionally. Our physical needs may or may not be met, but if what we’re feeling in relationship to our experiences goes unattended, our emotional intelligence and maturity is stunted. Literally suspended in time, at the age and maturity level we encountered the experiences. Often rendering us incapacitated, literally leaving us incapable of maturing emotionally into an adult light hearted individual, free to experience life.
From the time we’re born until we go out on our own as young adults we’re vulnerable. These very informative years contribute greatly to how we interact and communicate with the world. Within this time frame much of the dysfunctional programming has been put into place, running in the shadows of our unconscious world. By the time we embark on the journey or our adult lives, the old patterns are running show.
Emotional intelligence is thwarted…stunted…suspended in time at the ages we encountered the feelings through experience. The feelings unexpressed and or expressed and not cared for become emotions. The emotions are charged with the memory of the experience itself as well as the memory of not receiving assistance and care during the experience. Now you’ve got a trigger that is activated whenever you experience something similar the original emotional wound. Our emotional intelligence during a triggered episode goes back to the age it was originally experienced until you begin the process of assisting that parts to grow and mature. Also when triggered you are not speaking to the one who reminded you of the memory, you are literally speaking to the one involved with original placement/ anchoring of the emotional memory/wound/ trigger.
The unconscious level of existence is filled with emotional offerings of all kinds and is directly connected to the heart. Heart, in the sense of your ability to love and be loved unconditionally. Emotional intelligence can also be described as emotional maturity. As you become your own parent, you do for all of the parts what was needed at the time of the original experience. Talk to every feeling and all of your emotions will begin to relax into the safety that has always existed for you to experience. As you address each part, more will come on board the conscious emotionally mature and healthy bus! One by one, one step at a time, one conversation at a time, one tear at a time, one word at a time you will become whole.