Foundations of effective communication skills are the key to successful relationships. Have you ever spoken to someone who completely misinterpreted the meaning of what you were saying? You repeat it again, possibly using a different approach, still the meaning is misconstrued by the one you’re attempting to communicate with. Instead, it seems you ‘re speaking at them and miscommunication is occurring rather than any form of understanding. Here in lies the problem as well as the solution.
The emotional field of energy, as well as the unconscious world it’s frequently united with, play a role in all of this. Literally, circumstances you experienced as a child, co create an energetic role that becomes the foundation you live out in your physical world as a way of life. Your way of life is brought into form through your thoughts words behaviors and actions. Thus the foundation, AKA emotional offering, colors how you experience the world around you, as well as how you show up to the world around you. Your thoughts, words, behaviors, feelings and actions become a language based on the emotional foundation you’re functioning from. The same words for instance, have a different meaning in each foundation. For the sake of this article, we’re going to categorize the emotional roles/foundations, as victim and self aware. Keep in mind we’ve all been both and continue to have both present within, as well as experiencing others who have both. Also keep in mind this content is being presented from a foundation of self awareness, thus a clear place of useful and solutionary information to be used for moving forward in harmony peace and unconditional love.
The Foundation of victim is defined by “it’s happening to me,” “he/she did it to me,” “They hurt me, I hurt them, I am not going to say that because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” ” If I do that they won’t like me so I’m not going to do it.” ” I am going to do it because it will make them happy which will make them think I’m a good person.” There is also rampant judgment of what is positive and negative, right and wrong and good and bad. Many seem to forget knowing what is positive, right and good is in fact judgment based on what is perceived to be negative, wrong and bad. Very different from what is useful in the moment. In a nut shell, victim is externally fed by the approval and disapproval of the outside world and there for feels and behaves as those the world is happening to them and they have the ability to do it to the world. There is blame, shame, guilt, revenge, jealousy, drama, manipulation, lies, competition, judgment, fear, resentment, martyrdom and boastful egoic behaviors that perpetuate abusive patterns of the past to continue on into the future.
The foundation of self awareness on the other hand, is defined by “it is what it is, I am feeling hurt within myself, as a result of a circumstance or choice I experienced from and with another person.” ” I am comfortable with what I said, it was honest and clear with regard to what I am experiencing.” It’s alright if they don’t like me due to my choices, I am good with my choices, they are honest, clear and respectful.” ” I am excited to give this, share this, because I enjoy being a part of others be happiness. “I feel sad today ,” ” I feel angry today,” ” I am frustrated about the situation and working on a solution to move forward. In a nut shell, Self aware is internally fed by “are my thoughts words behaviors feelings and actions appropriate to the situation as well as, useful and beneficial to myself and others. Likewise are others thoughts words behaviors feeling and actions useful and beneficial to me?” “How can choices be made to honor the past in the present moment , using the past as a foundation to build a more effective future while enjoying the process in the present moment while embracing and interacting with all that shows up.
Same words different language due to differing foundations. The use of the words good and bad and right and wrong for example, used by a person founded in victim have a meaning of judgment , what is to blame or who’s at fault, as well as how to separate and or define an individual’s by their actions. Whereas the same words used by an individual founded in self awareness carry a meaning of discernment, what is useful and beneficial in the situation with actions that support solutions. Individuals who are self aware choose respectfully and honestly to the best of their ability those things that will serve their path of best destiny, taking responsibility for their thoughts, words , behaviors, feelings and actions, as well as communicating from the I Perspective with those in their lives. They also choose to spend time with people they enjoy and appreciate. Those functioning in victim, choose often from the reactionary place and projection of their own qualities onto others while in a triggered and agitated state of being. They may feed off of those they are with, unconsciously asking them to approve and disapprove like and dislike and need or reject them.
You can understand how the use of every word is defined by the foundation its being spoken from and thus how misinterpretations are occurring. The beauty rests within the knowledge of what s occurring and your desire to communicate in a more effective and educated way. From the self aware foundation, you can function from a platform of unconditional love and recognize both languages as valid forms of communication attempting to express desires based on experiences. Commonality is the thread of connectivity, bridging the gap between the two. Furthermore, we all have both within us through all of our parts, past present and future. Get to know all of your parts with compassion and strength. Likewise, get to know the parts of others, setting boundaries where necessary and appropriate. Make it a point to learn the foundation you and others are functioning from, as well as the drivers of yourself and others. By drivers I mean those things which are of greatest value, purpose, passion as well as the process by which they are achieved. This topic begs it’s own article, soon to follow.