Relationship advice…Do You Divide and Conquer?

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Relationship Advice Susan Fay Newton
Relationship Advice
Today’s relationship advice, do you divide and conquer? This piece of relationship advice is of great importance in having honest relationships. False pretenses are created when people divide and conquer through their communication with the people in their life. When you discuss an issue with someone other than who the issue involves, you’re literally separating from a part of yourself by not interacting with the person directly involved. The separation then creates a division between you and the person directly involved. The separation is a result of unresolved emotional issues that are recognizable through thoughts words behaviors and actions in your relationships.

Unresolved issues equal the need to control. Control manifests in many different ways, manipulation and avoidance being high on the list. Thus, control shows up as the conquering aspect of Divide and conquer. Often people talk to others who may or may not be involved, thus avoiding transparent communication with themselves and those who are directly involved. This allows the avoider to keep control of the situation, or so he or she thinks. Every one they’re speaking to may have a different story of what’s really going on. Keeping them all separated from one another is beneficial to the avoider so the emotions they’re really avoiding don’t have to be addressed. In the end, they aren’t conquering anything. Rather, they’re actually deceiving everyone as they deceive themselves and creating platforms of false pretenses. As you can imagine, if you’re communicating with someone who is diluting the facts of a situation, the whole communication is based on a lie. There for all of your decisions are based on a lie. If you’re dividing and conquering in your relationships STOP! This behavior is very destructive not only for the person choosing to do it, but for the people who think they’re communicating in honesty with honesty.

Are you embellishing, avoiding, lying, manipulating or hiding your feelings from people? Do you avoid conversations because you feel its confrontation? Do you avoid conversations and being honest because you feel you will hurt someone’s feelings? Do you want to fix other people? Do you feel you know what is best for other people? Do you want to control your children? All of these qualities are indicative of fear based avoidance behavior that perpetuates old patterns of abusive behaviors. There are already many labels out there that describe such behaviors such as, narcissism, codependency, addicts, borderline personality disorder to name a few. Abuse isn’t just physical, emotional abuse is extremely destructive not only to the one doing it, but also to the recipients. Sadly, many recipients have no clue they are in someone’s illusion until it’s too late. Any time, EVERY TIME, there isn’t honesty there is illusion.

I have come to know illusion exists in many forms for all of us. I have also come to know for me the easiest and most successful way to be as clear as possible in any situation is to be honest with myself about what I am experiencing and what I observe, as well as being honest with those I am involved with. If those around you are unable and or unwilling to be honest, it can be a red flag for you to pay attention and be as wise and observant as possible. Many times people are already sucked into the illusion by the time they discover there is an illusion occurring. This begs the question, where are you delusional yourself? What fears might you have running in your unconscious self, blinding you to another’s delusion? What are you avoiding? Where can you make changes in your life and how can you communicate? If your find yourself in this spot, learn how to recognize it in others, as well as in yourself. Any time you or others are projecting out onto another without addressing their own issues, SEND THE RED FLAG UP THE POLE.

Thank you for sharing in another present moment experience of our Beautiful world.

Love and Light Susan Newton